summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
