using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
