Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
