we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
