Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
