Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
