turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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