So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
