I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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