Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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