Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
