Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
