Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just found a bag of teeth...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
