Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
