The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
