I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
