i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
