dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
50% drunk capacity currently
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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