Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
