I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My breasts were aching with rage.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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