Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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