So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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