I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
