look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
