# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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