no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
