I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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