Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
