Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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