Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
