Please, let me fuck your mom
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I still have a little drunk in my system
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
