Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
