I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've changed since you got that strap on
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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