I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
