Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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