I like my sex mixed with concussions.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
