The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
