If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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