you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
