She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
