Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
