THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
