I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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