its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
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He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
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yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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