i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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