I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You're breaking my sexual little heart
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
