So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
