i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Randomize
