he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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