Kiss
Puke
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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