All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
