i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
