too bad you live with your parents still
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
