All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
