He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
How's work?
Spinning.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
