So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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