our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
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Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
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I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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