If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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