Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
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who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
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"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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