Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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