every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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