Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
