what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
