First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
