well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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