Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
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i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
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Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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