he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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