I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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