Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
