dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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