96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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