You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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