Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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