i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
